The beginning of a relationship will usually start with sex. Whether you are aware of it or not, sex is the ignition to a relationship. Think about it, when you first meet someone you don’t think about the introduction you are going to give to your parents or even your first date, you think about how hot that person is. And I’ve found the perfect song to express that message.
Gyal, me wann fi hold
Yuh put me arms right around ya
Gyal, you give me the tightest
Hold me eva seen in my life
Gyal, me wann fi just squeeze
Yah put me ting right around ya
Gyal, you give me tightest
Hold me eva seen inna mi life, ohh
Me eye dem dry and me nuh care
Mi tek it anytime and anywhere
Inna de spare, so we nuh care
And as a woman I will be dere
Mi wanna gyal who go tek you away
Me want a gyal who cyan wine pon me
Wid it good and mek mi feel itt
Show me that you could girl
Life ah past by everbady like woo, woo, woo, woo
Jump on me back and she go boom, boom, boom, boom
Gime the mekka van aand the fat tun tun tun
Me na rampaz mi nozzle and get my boom boom
She de out a control
I move first cuz she want a man soon
She say no good woman and stil she good
Still me want it well good
Life ah past by pon him and he guud, guud, guud, guud
Jump pan hi back and gu, gu, gu, guuh
In the maca van 95 boom, boom
Me na ramp when mi fi get mi goods
She de outta control
Ah, more fire she want in har soul
Ah, seta moan pan yuh and still she good
And still them have it well good
Hold me eva seen inna mi life, ohh
Me eye dem ah dry and me na care
Me tek it anytime and anywhere
Inna de spere, so we na care
And as a woman I will be there
While this song is hard to understand because of the Caribbean slang, the message is quite clear. This guy is talking about how tight the woman’s vagina is, and how much he just want to be in and around it. He’s not saying he loves her, or even that he likes her, but he wants to be very close to her.
Once you move passed the instant sexual gratification, you can decide whether this person is worth pursuing for a real relationship, or if you just want to add that notch to the old belt. For the purposes of this blog entry, let’s say you decide have a meaningful relationship and you think this person is amazing.
Love you like a brother,
Treat you like a friend.
Respect you like a lover
If you be the cash,
I'll be the rubber band.
You be the match,
I'm gon' be the fuse, boom!
Painter baby,
You could be the muse.
I'm the reporter baby,
You could be the news,
'Cause you're the cigarette,
And I'm the smoker.
We raise a bet,
'Cause you're the joker,
Truth tho.
You are the chalk,
And I can be the blackboard
You could be the talk,
And I could be the walk.
Even when the sky comes falling,
Even when the sun don't shine,
I got faith in you and I,
So put your pretty little hand in mine.
Even when we're down to the wire baby,
Even when it's do or die,
We could do it baby, simple and plain,
'Cause this love is a sure thing.
.com/lyrics/m/miguel_jontel/sure_thing.html ]
If I'm the blunt,
You could be the lighter babe
Fire it up!
Writer baby,
You could be the quote,
If I'm the lyric baby,
You could be the note.
Record that!
Saint, I'm a sinner,
Prize, I'm a winner,
And it's you
What did I do to deserve that.
Paper baby,
I'll be the pen
Say that I'm the one,
'Cause you're a ten.
Real and not pretend!
This song isn’t about sex. Because after awhile a relationship revolves less around sex and more around what you are to each other. In this song (Sure Thing by Miguel) he uses metaphors and similes to describe the feelings he has for someone. In his “sure thing” relationship he and his partner are totally in sync.
Relationships don’t go on like this forever (but my advice is to reside in ‘in sync’ land for as long as possible. But there comes a time when you either grow stronger as a couple and move into the next phase of a relationship, or you fizzle or fight until the point where there is no relationship. For the purpose of this blog we are going to explore both paths through song.
Let us start with the break up path. There are pretty much three outcomes of the break up path.
The first path is the delayed break up. Where the feelings are fizzling and the couple is constantly fighting, but instead of ending the relationship as soon as possible one, or both of the parties, contemplates the decision longer than necessary. The couple spends days, weeks, months and in worse scenarios, years in a bad relationship that’s just going to end anyway.
I used to think one day we'd tell the story of us,
How we met and the sparks flew instantly,
People would say they're the lucky ones.
I used to know my place was a spot next to you,
Now I'm searching the room for an empty seat,
'Cause lately I don't even know what page you're on.
Oh, a simple complication,
Miscommunications lead to fall-out.
So many things that I wished you knew,
So many walls that I can't break through.
[Chorus:]
Now I'm standing alone in a crowded room and we're not speaking,
And I'm dying to know is it killing you like it's killing me, yeah?
I don't know what to say, since the twist of fate when it all broke down,
And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now.
Next chapter.
How'd we end up this way?
See me nervously pulling at my clothes and trying to look busy,
And you're doing your best to avoid me.
I started to think one day I'd tell the story of us,
How I was losing my mind when I saw you here,
But you held your pride like you should've held me.
Oh, I'm scared to see the ending,
Why are we pretending this is nothing?
I'd tell you I miss you but I don't know how,
I've never heard silence quite this loud.
This is looking like a contest,
Of who can act like the careless,
But I liked it better when you were on my side.
The battle's in your hands now,
But I would lay my armor down
If you said you'd rather love than fight.
So many things that you wished I knew,
But the story of us might be ending soon.
The end.
Another way one might handle a break up is feeling relieved. Clearly the two of you were not working out for a reason. So rather than wonder what you could have done differently or what the other person did wrong, you feel great to be without that person, because you know that you’re better off.
There was a time
I thought, that you did everything right
No lies, no wrong
Boy I, must've been outta my mind
So when I think of the time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you
Thank God you blew it
Thank God I dodged the bullet
I'm so over you
So baby good lookin' out
[Chorus]
I wanted you bad
I'm so through with it
Cuz honestly you turned out to be the best thing I never had
You turned out to be the best thing I never had
And I'm gon' always be the best thing you never had
I bet it sucks to be you right now
So sad, you're hurt
Boo hoo, oh, did you expect me to care?
You don't deserve my tears
I guess that's why they ain't there
When I think that there was a time that I almost loved you
You showed your ass and I saw the real you
I know you want me back
It's time to face the facts
That I'm the one that's got away
Lord knows that it would take another place, another time, another world, another life
Thank God I found the good in goodbye
Another way a person can feel after a break up is regret. Sometimes you think you would be better off without someone, and you realize that you really do love them and what you thought you would gain from the break up wasn’t worth what you lost.
I’m so glad you made time to see me
Hows life? Tell me hows your family?
I haven’t seen them in a while.
You’ve been good. Busier than ever.
We small talk, work and the weather.
Your guard is up and I know why
Because the last time you saw me is still burned in the back of your mind
Your gave me roses and I left them there to die
So this is me swallowing my pride standing in front of you saying I’m sorry for that night
And I go back to December all the time
Turns out freedom ain’t nothin’ but missin’ you
Wishin’ that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I go back to December turn around and make it alright
I go back to December all the time
These days I haven’t been sleeping
I’ve been thinkin
Of when your birthday passed and I didn’t call
I remember all of the beautiful times
I watched you laughing from the passenger side
Realized I loved you in the fall
And the cold came, the dark days, when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was goodbye
I miss your tan skin your sweet smile so good to me so right
And when you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry
So maybe this is wishful thinkin’
Or maybe just myself dreamin’
But if we loved again I swear I’d love you right.
I’d go back in time and change it but I can’t
So if the chain is on your door, I understand.
There’s also a fourth way someone could feel about a break up, which is that they really don’t care either way. But there are no songs about that.
But lets explore the happier note of a relationship, which would be moving forward together.
Jagged Edge:
See first of all (Yeah)
I know these so-called playa'z wouldn't tell you this (What?)
But I'm go be real and say what's on my heart (Yeah)
Let's take this chance and make this love feel relevant
Didn't you know I loved her from the start? (Yo)
Yeah.....
When I think about (Uh-huh, huh)
All these years we put in this relationship (Yeah)
Who'll knew we'd make it this far?
Then I think about (Uh-huh)
Where would I be if we were just to fall apart?
And I can't stand the thought of leaving you...
Meet me at the altar in your white dress(Uh-huh)
We ain't gettin' no younger we might as well do it you I must been feeling you all the while girl i must confess
girl let's just get married
I just wanna get married
Said I done it all but frankly girl I'm tired of this emptiness I wanna come home to you and only you{Why?}
Cause making love to anyone ain't happenin'
I just gotta be with you
I think about
Us finishin' somethin' we started so long ago?
I wanna give you my heart
Do you think about Maybe us having some babies? C'mon won't you be my lady?
Forever girl....
Meet me at the altar in your white dress
We ain't gettin' no younger we might as well do it (Y'all knew we came to dance)
been feeling you all the while girl I must confess
Girl let's just get married
I just wanna get married
Let's get married
Let's get married baby
Let's get married baby
We could pretend after this stage of the relationship everything will be perfect from here on…but I’m not going to lie to you. After you realize you will only sleep with one person for the rest of your life, after the woman gains weight from child birth, and therefore loses her self-esteem and after the man inherits a beer belly a loses his hair the things that held you together will soon tear you apart. Between cheating, money problems, gay secrets and divorce…we’re just waiting for the song about that.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Franken Babies!!!!!
It’s no secret that I do not like children. I think I have made that perfectly clear.
But when I saw something on Basketball Wives (another Grade A show for moral values) I had to bring it to everyone’s attention (and by everyone I mean the 4 people who read this shit)
Evelyn , from Basketball Wives, who is now engaged to Chad ‘Ocho Cinco,’ a football player, (I know the irony kills me too) are trying to have children together. But not just any type of children. They want twin boy athletes. Very specific. When I first heard this request I thought, “yea and I want something more interesting to do with my time then talk about you people on my pathetic blog, but that’s not going to happen.” But as the show progressed, I saw that it was possible.
The illegitimate couple went into a doctor’s office and revealed their ridiculous request to the doctor. To my surprise, it wasn’t ridiculous at all. In fact the procedure is pretty simple. Chad has to give a sample of his sperm to the doctor. The doctor then extracts the sperm that would create twin boys if it met with Evelyn’s eggs, and then inject that particular sperm into Evelyn.
I’m totally not kidding that’s basically what the doctor said, but in more scientific terms.
So at first I thought that was pretty interesting. Because if I ever did get married and have children, I would only want one son. So if there was a way to make that possible for sure, instead of just trying and hoping for a boy I thought I would have no problem.
But then after hearing my parent’s opinion on these kids that are basically built in a lab I thought it was a little strange. Using science to engineer the perfect babies? That does sound a little farfetched and unsafe. What if you do get twin boys, but then they have missing toes and arms and shit?
And then I thought, science has come such a long way, now we can give our sperm and eggs to some other bitch and have her carry the baby for us. So why is this so strange? Also, people take risks of their kids coming out with down syndrome or whatever every time they get pregnant, so I don’t think that by involving science the risk would increase.
It’s a totally strange topic, and for once I don’t know which side of the fence I’m standing on. Are we in favor of genetically modified babies? Or do we like our rugrats the old fashioned way?
But when I saw something on Basketball Wives (another Grade A show for moral values) I had to bring it to everyone’s attention (and by everyone I mean the 4 people who read this shit)
Evelyn , from Basketball Wives, who is now engaged to Chad ‘Ocho Cinco,’ a football player, (I know the irony kills me too) are trying to have children together. But not just any type of children. They want twin boy athletes. Very specific. When I first heard this request I thought, “yea and I want something more interesting to do with my time then talk about you people on my pathetic blog, but that’s not going to happen.” But as the show progressed, I saw that it was possible.
The illegitimate couple went into a doctor’s office and revealed their ridiculous request to the doctor. To my surprise, it wasn’t ridiculous at all. In fact the procedure is pretty simple. Chad has to give a sample of his sperm to the doctor. The doctor then extracts the sperm that would create twin boys if it met with Evelyn’s eggs, and then inject that particular sperm into Evelyn.
I’m totally not kidding that’s basically what the doctor said, but in more scientific terms.
So at first I thought that was pretty interesting. Because if I ever did get married and have children, I would only want one son. So if there was a way to make that possible for sure, instead of just trying and hoping for a boy I thought I would have no problem.
But then after hearing my parent’s opinion on these kids that are basically built in a lab I thought it was a little strange. Using science to engineer the perfect babies? That does sound a little farfetched and unsafe. What if you do get twin boys, but then they have missing toes and arms and shit?
And then I thought, science has come such a long way, now we can give our sperm and eggs to some other bitch and have her carry the baby for us. So why is this so strange? Also, people take risks of their kids coming out with down syndrome or whatever every time they get pregnant, so I don’t think that by involving science the risk would increase.
It’s a totally strange topic, and for once I don’t know which side of the fence I’m standing on. Are we in favor of genetically modified babies? Or do we like our rugrats the old fashioned way?
Monday, June 13, 2011
It's coming.....
We all dread it…it happens to all of us…one minute we’re in a casual dating situation and having fun…with the new conversations, dates, friends, sex… but the longer the relationship goes on for, the more serious it is bound to get…you can’t help it, it just happens…one day you are just rolling around the sack with your “boyfriend” and the next thing you know BAMMMM it’s time to meet the parents. Literally.
Once when I was at my boyfriends house (who used to live in the basement of his parents house) I woke up alone in his bed to his father telling me I had to move because renovators were coming in the basement. I’m just glad I happened to be wearing clothes that night.
But forget about how awkward that meeting was, I want to think about how awkward it is for the other person. Like how awkward is it for you when you’re introducing your significant other to your parents? Wondering is that a fake smile my dad has or a genuine smile? Is my grandfather offering him a drink because he wants to drink together or because he wants to see if he’s going to drink and drive? Does your aunt really thing his profession is noble, or is she just waiting for him to turn around to tell you how he will never make a decent living in the market? Those are all the questions that went through my mind yesterday at my sister’s Christening. Because letting him meet my parents and grandparents was one huge step already, but meeting the entire Curtiss Clan was overwhelming…not only for him but for me.
I was constantly worrying about how everything we did would look to my family, I didn’t want to be too touchy feely because I didn’t want them to know we were having sex. But I didn’t want to not touch at all because I didn’t want people to think we had a bad relationship or were in a fight. I didn’t want to give him a tour of the house because I didn’t want people to think we sneaking off to be alone together. I didn’t want him to go to his car because I didn’t want my family to know that he’s a smoker (and I didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette without me.) I didn’t even want to leave with him because I didn’t want everyone knowing I was going back to his house for the night.
All of my worries were put to rest. My grandfather offered him a beer minutes after he walked through the door and talked to him for hours, not grilling him, but having legitimate conversations about politics and the economy. (This is probably the first boyfriend I’ve ever had that could hold an intelligent conversation with my family) My father came over to where we were sitting and said, “I wanted to let you know that I like you, we all like you, and we’re glad that you can make Erica happy. If your work schedule permitted it would you want to come to Puerto Rico for the week of August 15 with us? Tickets are no problem.”
WTF??? I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and my dad’s offering him free trips out of the country? He has never invited my best friends on a trip with us!
If that wasn’t weird enough, I go to the bathroom for a minute and I’m rushing because I don’t want to leave him alone with my family and let them tear him apart…I return to see my boyfriend, grandfather and cousin taking shots together. My grandfather never offers me a drink!
Then my god mother who I respect so much and truly value her opinion told me she thought she was cute and that he had a good steady job and she’s happy for me. My grandmother told me he’s the first guy she ever thought was good enough for me.
After the christening I stopped at my mom’s place. My mom was going to be a little more difficult to accept Mike (even though she has already met him and confirmed that she liked him) because she didn’t have the best impressions of him. When she first met him after dropping me at his house he was high (I doubt she knew though) the second time she met him at a cancer benefit my sorority held on campus he had been drinking before (she smelt the liquor on him immediately) and every fight we have ever had I told my mom every detail about, so she’s a little bias. But last night the two of them bonded over embarrassing photos of my childhood and a friendly rivalry over the Heat vs. Mavericks play off basketball game.
Maybe the dreaded meeting the parents isn’t the huge ordeal we build it up to be in our heads. As much as we hate to hear it parents were our age once, and as much as I hate to admit it, they’re not all clueless. Well at least mine aren’t. Sucks to not be me!
Once when I was at my boyfriends house (who used to live in the basement of his parents house) I woke up alone in his bed to his father telling me I had to move because renovators were coming in the basement. I’m just glad I happened to be wearing clothes that night.
But forget about how awkward that meeting was, I want to think about how awkward it is for the other person. Like how awkward is it for you when you’re introducing your significant other to your parents? Wondering is that a fake smile my dad has or a genuine smile? Is my grandfather offering him a drink because he wants to drink together or because he wants to see if he’s going to drink and drive? Does your aunt really thing his profession is noble, or is she just waiting for him to turn around to tell you how he will never make a decent living in the market? Those are all the questions that went through my mind yesterday at my sister’s Christening. Because letting him meet my parents and grandparents was one huge step already, but meeting the entire Curtiss Clan was overwhelming…not only for him but for me.
I was constantly worrying about how everything we did would look to my family, I didn’t want to be too touchy feely because I didn’t want them to know we were having sex. But I didn’t want to not touch at all because I didn’t want people to think we had a bad relationship or were in a fight. I didn’t want to give him a tour of the house because I didn’t want people to think we sneaking off to be alone together. I didn’t want him to go to his car because I didn’t want my family to know that he’s a smoker (and I didn’t want him to smoke a cigarette without me.) I didn’t even want to leave with him because I didn’t want everyone knowing I was going back to his house for the night.
All of my worries were put to rest. My grandfather offered him a beer minutes after he walked through the door and talked to him for hours, not grilling him, but having legitimate conversations about politics and the economy. (This is probably the first boyfriend I’ve ever had that could hold an intelligent conversation with my family) My father came over to where we were sitting and said, “I wanted to let you know that I like you, we all like you, and we’re glad that you can make Erica happy. If your work schedule permitted it would you want to come to Puerto Rico for the week of August 15 with us? Tickets are no problem.”
WTF??? I’ve been dating this guy for a few months and my dad’s offering him free trips out of the country? He has never invited my best friends on a trip with us!
If that wasn’t weird enough, I go to the bathroom for a minute and I’m rushing because I don’t want to leave him alone with my family and let them tear him apart…I return to see my boyfriend, grandfather and cousin taking shots together. My grandfather never offers me a drink!
Then my god mother who I respect so much and truly value her opinion told me she thought she was cute and that he had a good steady job and she’s happy for me. My grandmother told me he’s the first guy she ever thought was good enough for me.
After the christening I stopped at my mom’s place. My mom was going to be a little more difficult to accept Mike (even though she has already met him and confirmed that she liked him) because she didn’t have the best impressions of him. When she first met him after dropping me at his house he was high (I doubt she knew though) the second time she met him at a cancer benefit my sorority held on campus he had been drinking before (she smelt the liquor on him immediately) and every fight we have ever had I told my mom every detail about, so she’s a little bias. But last night the two of them bonded over embarrassing photos of my childhood and a friendly rivalry over the Heat vs. Mavericks play off basketball game.
Maybe the dreaded meeting the parents isn’t the huge ordeal we build it up to be in our heads. As much as we hate to hear it parents were our age once, and as much as I hate to admit it, they’re not all clueless. Well at least mine aren’t. Sucks to not be me!
FUCK QUEENS
There are a million and one things that I could despise about working in queens. For example, the hours of traffic I sit in twice a day to get to work and home from work. Or the tumultuous pot holes I hit on every street. But nothing is more inconvenient than the lack of parking. I don’t understand how businesses can get away with not offering parking spaces for their customers and clients.
It is the parking issue that I am going to rant about today. It’s bad enough that in order to shop (aka work) as a reporter in Queens I have to drive my car all over the borough and then hope that I find a miraculous parking without a meter. However, doomsday finally happened last Tuesday and I was forced to park at a meter spot. I think it is ridiculous and unconstitutional that first of all Starbucks doesn’t have a parking lot, but second of all you expect me to pay to park my car on a random street. What service am I receiving for my money? Is someone protecting my car from hooligans? Is someone going to paint over the scratches on my car? Is someone going to vacuum all the crumbs out of my car? NO! So what I am paying for is the right to park my car on a public street? Oh okay I totally get it now.
But then after I park, pay, and place my receipt on the dash board that says I have 2 hours to reside in this parking spot, I return 1 hour later to find a ticket on my windshield. A ticket for not putting my receipt the exact way for the ticketing officer to read it. Now I’ll admit, I’m not savvy to the art of placing a piece of paper on a dashboard. Partially because I don’t drive that often (or I didn’t before my new job) but mostly because in Long Island (where everything makes sense) I am not forced to pay to park my car on the side of road.
What really irks me about this situation is that I put my receipt on the dash at 11:45 a.m. and the ticket was issued to me at 11:52 a.m. which means ticket cop saw me purchase a receipt, saw me put the ticket on the dashboard in a way he wouldn’t like, waited for me to leave and then GAVE ME A FUCKIN TICKET!!!!! What the fuck kind of world are we living in?
First you limit any parking spaces, then any available space must be paid for and even when you put $2 in quarters in the machine you get a $38 ticket anyway.
FUCK YOU QUEENS
It is the parking issue that I am going to rant about today. It’s bad enough that in order to shop (aka work) as a reporter in Queens I have to drive my car all over the borough and then hope that I find a miraculous parking without a meter. However, doomsday finally happened last Tuesday and I was forced to park at a meter spot. I think it is ridiculous and unconstitutional that first of all Starbucks doesn’t have a parking lot, but second of all you expect me to pay to park my car on a random street. What service am I receiving for my money? Is someone protecting my car from hooligans? Is someone going to paint over the scratches on my car? Is someone going to vacuum all the crumbs out of my car? NO! So what I am paying for is the right to park my car on a public street? Oh okay I totally get it now.
But then after I park, pay, and place my receipt on the dash board that says I have 2 hours to reside in this parking spot, I return 1 hour later to find a ticket on my windshield. A ticket for not putting my receipt the exact way for the ticketing officer to read it. Now I’ll admit, I’m not savvy to the art of placing a piece of paper on a dashboard. Partially because I don’t drive that often (or I didn’t before my new job) but mostly because in Long Island (where everything makes sense) I am not forced to pay to park my car on the side of road.
What really irks me about this situation is that I put my receipt on the dash at 11:45 a.m. and the ticket was issued to me at 11:52 a.m. which means ticket cop saw me purchase a receipt, saw me put the ticket on the dashboard in a way he wouldn’t like, waited for me to leave and then GAVE ME A FUCKIN TICKET!!!!! What the fuck kind of world are we living in?
First you limit any parking spaces, then any available space must be paid for and even when you put $2 in quarters in the machine you get a $38 ticket anyway.
FUCK YOU QUEENS
Sunday, May 22, 2011
What She Said/What He Heard
So it's not secret that most men are communicationally challenged. But there is a thin line between being shy, and being stupid. There is only so many ways one (the woman) could say things, id the other (the man) cannot grasp the concept, how long should one (the woman) try to explain. A lot of magazines try and give communication advice to women, we don't need communication advice. I know how to talk, I talk extremely well. It's the men in my life that not only don't know how to voice their opinions and feelings, but they also don't know how to listen. I'm going to share some parts of a conversation that I had earlier today with my boyfriend. You tell me if I was being unclear.
1. I said "I have a lot of things that I need to say, so please let me just say what I got to say and then you can add in when I'm done"
He said, "Okay go ahead."
What he must have heard was "O I"m going to talk but feel free to disregard it and interject whenever you see fit"
Because what he did was interrupt me with every sentence I sad.
2.I said "I don't want to dwell or argue about this, but the way you spoke to me was really uncalled for."
What he must have heard was "I just want to beat a dead horse"
Because what he did was argue about the same shit I said I didn't want to argue about.
3. I said, "I really don't want to break up, I just want you to see where I'm coming from"
What he must have heard was "I'm going to talk your ear off and then dumb you"
Because what he said was "If you want to break up just say it, we don't have to go through everything."
4. I said, "I think you should have done certain things differently."
What he must have heard was "I think I'm perfect and everything you do is wrong."
Because what he did was attack me and my life and complain about his life is full of drama and hardships that I couldn't possibly understand.
5. I said, "I just need you to work on your communication because I can't be in a relationship like this."
What he must have heard was, "I'm threatening you, do this or I'm dumping you."
Because what he did was interrupt me and ask if I was threatening him.
6. I said, "So you can you at least promise to work on your communication skills for the sake of our relationship."
What he must have heard, "Give me the shortest and rudest reply possible, because I enjoy when you hurt my feelings."
Because he said, "I don't know we'll see."
7. I said, "Whatever bye."
What he must have heard was, "Call me back and act like a grown up for 5 minutes"
Because what he did was call me back in like two minutes and apologize for everything.
8. I said, "It's not going to be that easy."
What he must have heard was, "Okay I'm off the hook now."
Because then he tried to be all lovey dovey and shit.
So is it me? Am I the crazy one? Because I believe myself to be a very clear, accurate, and blunt person. I say what I mean, there is no double talk with me. So the question stands....are women hard to understand? Or are men just stupid?
1. I said "I have a lot of things that I need to say, so please let me just say what I got to say and then you can add in when I'm done"
He said, "Okay go ahead."
What he must have heard was "O I"m going to talk but feel free to disregard it and interject whenever you see fit"
Because what he did was interrupt me with every sentence I sad.
2.I said "I don't want to dwell or argue about this, but the way you spoke to me was really uncalled for."
What he must have heard was "I just want to beat a dead horse"
Because what he did was argue about the same shit I said I didn't want to argue about.
3. I said, "I really don't want to break up, I just want you to see where I'm coming from"
What he must have heard was "I'm going to talk your ear off and then dumb you"
Because what he said was "If you want to break up just say it, we don't have to go through everything."
4. I said, "I think you should have done certain things differently."
What he must have heard was "I think I'm perfect and everything you do is wrong."
Because what he did was attack me and my life and complain about his life is full of drama and hardships that I couldn't possibly understand.
5. I said, "I just need you to work on your communication because I can't be in a relationship like this."
What he must have heard was, "I'm threatening you, do this or I'm dumping you."
Because what he did was interrupt me and ask if I was threatening him.
6. I said, "So you can you at least promise to work on your communication skills for the sake of our relationship."
What he must have heard, "Give me the shortest and rudest reply possible, because I enjoy when you hurt my feelings."
Because he said, "I don't know we'll see."
7. I said, "Whatever bye."
What he must have heard was, "Call me back and act like a grown up for 5 minutes"
Because what he did was call me back in like two minutes and apologize for everything.
8. I said, "It's not going to be that easy."
What he must have heard was, "Okay I'm off the hook now."
Because then he tried to be all lovey dovey and shit.
So is it me? Am I the crazy one? Because I believe myself to be a very clear, accurate, and blunt person. I say what I mean, there is no double talk with me. So the question stands....are women hard to understand? Or are men just stupid?
Saturday, May 21, 2011
May 21, 2011
So it has come to my attention that the end of the world starts today. Apparently according to the Bible (of course something so stupid had to come from something just as stupid) And the world is to endure five months of torture before the world comes to a complete end on October 21, 2011.
While I believe in the end of the world just as much as I believe that Spongebob Squarepants is a great heterosexual role model for this nations youth, I choose to entertain this idea for the purposes of my blog.
And to start off, I am going to make a list of reasons why the world should end.
1. crocs
2. people wearing open toed shoes without a pedicure
3. denim jeans with a matching denim jacket
4. denim jeans with mismatching denmin jackets
5. glee
5. buildings with no wheel chair ramp
6. homophobic people
7. racist people
8. knock off designer bags
9. celibate people
10.pregnant teens
11.people who don't use condoms
12.maxi dresses
13.people who can't keep secrets
14.the south
15.adult virgins
16.rapists
17.small dicks
18.floral dresses
19.terrorists
20.a week full of rain
22.bad boyfriends
23.george bush
24.george w. bush
25.perverts
Add ons are welcome....
While I believe in the end of the world just as much as I believe that Spongebob Squarepants is a great heterosexual role model for this nations youth, I choose to entertain this idea for the purposes of my blog.
And to start off, I am going to make a list of reasons why the world should end.
1. crocs
2. people wearing open toed shoes without a pedicure
3. denim jeans with a matching denim jacket
4. denim jeans with mismatching denmin jackets
5. glee
5. buildings with no wheel chair ramp
6. homophobic people
7. racist people
8. knock off designer bags
9. celibate people
10.pregnant teens
11.people who don't use condoms
12.maxi dresses
13.people who can't keep secrets
14.the south
15.adult virgins
16.rapists
17.small dicks
18.floral dresses
19.terrorists
20.a week full of rain
22.bad boyfriends
23.george bush
24.george w. bush
25.perverts
Add ons are welcome....
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Health Tips on the Go
Okay so I am currently trying out weight watchers diet (which is so far a beautiful invention. I never feel deprived of anything but I’m still some how losing weight) Anyway, the fact that I am on weight watchers should clue you into the fact that I am not a skinny a girl, and if you don’t understand words as well there a numerous photos of myself plastered all over this blog that can clarify what I am trying to say. I’m not skinny, I am not trying to get skinny, I do not want to be skinny, and I will never be classified as skinny….I’ve seen skinny girls. It’s kind of sickly looking. A lot of of skinny people don’t look healthy at all. With to ass, tits, thighs, hips….rappers don’t just sing about it because it rhymes ladies, it’s because without those attributes you have a boy figure….and no straight man wants to date a bitch who’s flatter than he is.
Despite what the last few sentences might have sounded like, this entry isn’t about bashing skinny people (it was just a perk out of the entire situation) because to each his own. For example, my mom just lost a massive amount of weight and she was classified as in her healthy weight range for her height. However, after Easter she gained 10lbs and looks fabulous, because when she was at her “healthy weight” she was a size A cup and had lost all form in her ass. Now she wears a C and has her shape back in all the right places, but she would rather lose the 10 pounds and look the way she did before, which is far beyond my understanding.
Anyway, while I am not trying to look anorexic, I am trying to tighten up certain features. My stomach and arms are at the top of my priority list. For women who are in m same position I have developed a few eating and exercise tips that seem to have been working for me.
1. I understand a gym membership is expensive (because my gym costs $40 a month for a year contract) and since we are in a recession (or if you are working at an unpaid internship like I am) there is very little extra spending cash for necessities such as food and clothing, definitely not for luxuries like gym memberships. And there is no need to waste that kind of money, when all the exercise you need is on this great earth. For all you outdoors bitches out there, go on a brisk walk outside, take a hike, go swimming. Now that the weather is nice there is a limitless amount of free options you could take part in to lose weight and be health. If you r an indoor kind of girl try the FitTV network if you have Verizon FiOs. That channel has 24 hours of workout routines that are free! And if you don’t have the channel try buying a workout DVD and seeing how that works out (great play on words.)
2. Getting the necessities for a workout is only part of the problem. If you’re like me, waking up at 7 a.m. working until 6 p.m. not getting home until 8 p.m. and by that time you just want to pass out, finding time to work out is another huge problem. I have incorporated a few ways to lose weight while doing your normal every day activities. I work in queens where parking sucks, so I end parking my car a few blocks away from my office. It takes me between 7 to 10 minutes to walk from my car to the office. I make at least four trips to and from my car a day while at work, so I just added 28 to 40 minutes of exercise to my day without even trying. Another trick is when using public bathrooms don’t create a nest of toilet paper so you can sit on the toilet. Instead squat in front of the toilet. If you use the public rest room 3-5 times a day, and your urination time is the average of 30 seconds, you have done between 1 ½ to 3 minutes of squatting without even trying, which not only burns calories but it shapes you thighs and butt.
3. Eating has always been a huge problem for me. Because I love food, and I never want to deprive myself of food and I never want to feel hungry. I’m never going to be a twigs and berries kind of girl, I like meat and potatoes and rice and all those things that aren’t good for you. But they can be good for you if eaten in the right nmoderation. Last night I ate steak and mashed potatoes without breaking diet. Because the steak was a small serving size, and I only had 1 cup of mashed potatoes. I companied with broccoli and the chips appetizer and I was full for the entire night. So I guess what I’m saying is eat filling foods, have veggies with them, and drink a lot of water because that fills you up as well.
4. I’m not saying calorie count, I’m saying calorie compare. Sure you could have a small fry from McDonald’s and throw away 250 calories on something that will only hold you over for an hours at most, or you could have grilled chicken, rice, and veggies which will amount to the same amount of calories but keep you full for at least 3 hours.
Dieting is hard, so don’t diet, change your lifestyle for the better.
Despite what the last few sentences might have sounded like, this entry isn’t about bashing skinny people (it was just a perk out of the entire situation) because to each his own. For example, my mom just lost a massive amount of weight and she was classified as in her healthy weight range for her height. However, after Easter she gained 10lbs and looks fabulous, because when she was at her “healthy weight” she was a size A cup and had lost all form in her ass. Now she wears a C and has her shape back in all the right places, but she would rather lose the 10 pounds and look the way she did before, which is far beyond my understanding.
Anyway, while I am not trying to look anorexic, I am trying to tighten up certain features. My stomach and arms are at the top of my priority list. For women who are in m same position I have developed a few eating and exercise tips that seem to have been working for me.
1. I understand a gym membership is expensive (because my gym costs $40 a month for a year contract) and since we are in a recession (or if you are working at an unpaid internship like I am) there is very little extra spending cash for necessities such as food and clothing, definitely not for luxuries like gym memberships. And there is no need to waste that kind of money, when all the exercise you need is on this great earth. For all you outdoors bitches out there, go on a brisk walk outside, take a hike, go swimming. Now that the weather is nice there is a limitless amount of free options you could take part in to lose weight and be health. If you r an indoor kind of girl try the FitTV network if you have Verizon FiOs. That channel has 24 hours of workout routines that are free! And if you don’t have the channel try buying a workout DVD and seeing how that works out (great play on words.)
2. Getting the necessities for a workout is only part of the problem. If you’re like me, waking up at 7 a.m. working until 6 p.m. not getting home until 8 p.m. and by that time you just want to pass out, finding time to work out is another huge problem. I have incorporated a few ways to lose weight while doing your normal every day activities. I work in queens where parking sucks, so I end parking my car a few blocks away from my office. It takes me between 7 to 10 minutes to walk from my car to the office. I make at least four trips to and from my car a day while at work, so I just added 28 to 40 minutes of exercise to my day without even trying. Another trick is when using public bathrooms don’t create a nest of toilet paper so you can sit on the toilet. Instead squat in front of the toilet. If you use the public rest room 3-5 times a day, and your urination time is the average of 30 seconds, you have done between 1 ½ to 3 minutes of squatting without even trying, which not only burns calories but it shapes you thighs and butt.
3. Eating has always been a huge problem for me. Because I love food, and I never want to deprive myself of food and I never want to feel hungry. I’m never going to be a twigs and berries kind of girl, I like meat and potatoes and rice and all those things that aren’t good for you. But they can be good for you if eaten in the right nmoderation. Last night I ate steak and mashed potatoes without breaking diet. Because the steak was a small serving size, and I only had 1 cup of mashed potatoes. I companied with broccoli and the chips appetizer and I was full for the entire night. So I guess what I’m saying is eat filling foods, have veggies with them, and drink a lot of water because that fills you up as well.
4. I’m not saying calorie count, I’m saying calorie compare. Sure you could have a small fry from McDonald’s and throw away 250 calories on something that will only hold you over for an hours at most, or you could have grilled chicken, rice, and veggies which will amount to the same amount of calories but keep you full for at least 3 hours.
Dieting is hard, so don’t diet, change your lifestyle for the better.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)