I Don't Want To Miss A Thing

How do you know if you're moving too fast in a relationship?  

When watching the movie 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' we see how women can drive men away by getting too comfortable too quickly.  However how do you know what is considered too fast for a guy?  How do you know when a guy is moving fast on his own, or when he's moving fast because he thinks your moving fast and he's trying to catch up?

I basically spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend and we've only been together for a couple of months, so it is a general rule to make yourself less available so that a guy who is relatively new in your life won't get bored and lose interest. But he's the one that is making most of the invitations.  He says he wants to spend like every day with me, and for the first time that doesn't freak me out.  And so we do almost everything together.  We have a lot of the same interests, and even if we don't we try new things to make each other happy.  We've hung out with each others friends and met each others families, but theres more!!!

Also in the above mentioned movie, we see that men get uneasy when women try to control and be a part of every aspect of their lives.  This is especially seen in the scene where the woman moves all her girlie items into her new boyfriends bachelor pad.  She puts stuffed animals on his bed, pink decorations in the hallways, and tampons in his bathroom!!!!!  I think we can all agree that that is going way too far.  

But what if it's the guy that's slowly moving/or keeping some of your things at his place?

A few weeks ago I left a tank top at my boyfriends house and he washed it, and put it in an empty drawer.  He also added a pair of his sweatpants and t shirts for me to wear when I'm sleeping over.  Yesterday, he purchased a toothbrush and loofah for me to keep in his bathroom so I wouldn't have to bring my things back and forth.  He also told me that he's moving next month and wants me to help with the decorating.  

Over the past few nights he started saying the sweetest things.  First he was bringing up future plans, not too far into the future but just things like over the summer, and next semester.  And usually I would think that's weird because who plans on having someone else in their life for that long?  But I find myself making plans with him.  One night this weekend I swear he said he loved me as we were going to bed, but we were both really fucked up so I wasn't going to bring it up if he wasn't.  And perhaps the sweetest thing he said, sober, was that he didn't want to go to sleep because because he knew that would mean he wouldn't see me until the morning when it was time to take me home and we wanted to spend the most amount of time with me as possible. 

So I feel like we're moving in a great direction but we're moving in it too fast. But I also don't want to slow down....that is my dilemma.  

I MADE A MISTAKE

my new blog is sexisyourfriend.blogspot.com   and the site is called SEXcapades  <3 Have Fun <3

They're Good For Something

So while you would think that ex-boyfriends are not good for anything, I have found a use for them, and no I am not referring to late night booty calls.

I am currently in a new relationship, and while I would like to believe that I am the perfect companion, I have to face the facts that I do fuck up in my relationships.  And who is there better to tell you how, why, or what you did to fuck up than you ex boyfriend?

This might sound like a awkward project because it means actually conversing with someone I used to to have intimate feelings for, but not only will it not be awkward, but one of my ex-boyfriends actually gave me the idea.

So I would like to conduct this experiment with some form of organization and class....I would also like a million dollars but that shit isn't going to happen either.  That being said, I'm going to attempt to give each guys explanation in the chronological order in which I dated him.  But it's been a few years and I don't have the best memories (and some of them weren't really important) and some of them I can't talk to at all anyway so I'm going to make up what I would assume they would say.

So the list is as follows:
My 1st Love
Mr All Wrong For Me
Says All The Right Things
NUTCASE
Never Quite What it Seems
Probably Was Perfect For Me
Met Him At Work
My Current

If there's anymore boyfriends I forgot.....take that as a hint.

My 1st Love and I were together on and off for like a decade. (Well seven years) and I can't ask him why he thinks we broke up because he stopped talking to me.  So I'm just going to say why we did, without any concern for his opinion.
He didn't love me the way he used to.  I really believe he fell in love with someone else but he didn't have the balls to tell me.  So rather than just be a man and dump me to my face he'd rather stop talking to me right around Thanksgiving, and then not talk to me during Christmas, and then miss my 21st birthday. That's why we're not together, that's why we're not friends, that's why we don't have any kind of relationship.

When me and my 1st love weren't together, me and Mr All Wrong For Me would start dating.  We first started when I was 14 and he was 17.  This guy was completely all about sex, and when we first met I was a virgin.  When we started dating again when I was 16 we did become sexually active and he started cheating on me.  (Which I obviously didn't know) He was also very unmotivated and had no aspirations for his future.  He's doing great now but five or six years ago he wasn't the best guy for me.
I would ask him what he thought about the situation, but when I told him I had a boyfriend he blocked me from his life so I don't know what to do about that one.  But I wish him the best and we always had fun when we weren't fighting.

Mr Says All The Right things lives up to his title.  To this day he knows exactly what to say to me.  I don't know why he thinks we broke up because when I asked him he said "seriously" and then ignored me, so I'm going to have to improvise this one as well.
We broke up because he was just a sweet talker.  I don't think any of the feelings he says he had for me were real and if they were I couldn't tell because he said the same things to every girl.  Even now everything he says is some sort of insurance policy to seal the deal into have sexual intercourse.  I wish him all the luck in his future relationships, but that's something I have told him about and hope he took my advice.

With Never Quite It Seems he says the reason we didn't work is because at the time we were together he he was working and living in the Hamptons and we didn't get to see each other.  That's kind of the cop out answer.  Because when he came back from the Hamptons we never tried to get back together.  The real reason we broke up is because he didn't want it.  I gave him an ultimatum which forced him to either be in a relationship or stop having sex with me, so obviously we started dating.  But his heart wasn't in it.  So we weren't a match..We are great friends though.  And the sex was amazing.

The guy who was Probably Perfect For Me I dated really quickly on the rebound, he was so sweet.  He did everything he possibly could for me.  And I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him when I met the next guy.  I think it was because he told me he loved me very early on and I was afraid he actually meant it.  But I can't ask him either because he wouldn't be friends with me after I broke up with him.

Met Him At Work is pretty simple.  He says he thinks we were better off as friends with benefits, and we were.  We went out, we had fun, we cuddled, but I was always able to talk to him as a friend.  Even today he gives me relationship advice with my new boyfriend.  (He was also the one who  gave me this blog idea.)

The NUTCASE is the reason I had to change my phone number, and for legal/safety reasons I do not want to contact him for any reason.  But the reason we broke up is because he's a nutcase.  He threatened my life on numerous occasions.  He can't control himself in any sense of the word and I couldn't take it anymore.

I did this whole thing for My Current boyfriend.  We have only been officially together for a very short time and I don't want to mess up this relationship the way I've messed up my passed relationships.  I didn't realize until after the experiment was done that I didn't get much feedback.  So I'm going to be honest with myself and own up to my mistakes.
My number one mistake is that I have been unfaithful.  And I don't know what it is about my personality.  The sex in a relationship would be amazing, but somehow I would cheat anyway.  My boyfriends knows this about me, and he also knows that I will not do that to him.  I haven't dated someone full on since my freshman year in college, so I would say that I've matured.
I'm also impatient.  I just got into a fight with my boyfriend over the weekend and I wanted answers right away.  The reason we were fighting happened Saturday morning and by Saturday afternoon I desperately wanted answers and I didn't give him enough time to think.
I scare easily.  If something isn't absolutely perfect in a relationship I automatically run away.  I don't want to work through problems, I want there to be no problems.  And that is very unrealistic.
If I'm not cheating I'm very flirtatious.
I'm very unattached.  I purposely don't try to get to know people a lot because I think they're not going to last long in my life anyway.  So I never get as close as I should to the guys I date.
I can't forgive people.  Even if I somehow move past something he did wrong (which I rarely ever do) I never forgive him for it and it just eats away at me until the next argument occurs.
And I think the biggest relationship flaw I have is that I don't trust people.  So any relationship I ever have is never based on the right foundation.

Fixing all these problems is probably impossible.  But I am acknowledging them and hoping for the best with my new boyfriend 2.21.11 <3

He Strikes Again

I don't even have to say who I'm talking about, because everyone will know.
A certain R&B singer beat up his R&B singer girlfriend before a certain musical awards show.  He went to anger management and he wanted to convince the world that he had changed, and he had his anger under control and he was no longer that person.

The same guy goes on Good Morning America and is interviewed about his new album.  During the interview the 60-year-old reporter asks him about Rihanna and he gets agitated with the elderly woman.  If that wasn't bad enough, he went to his room backstage and destroyed it, breaking a window.

Then he had a press release where he made excuses and gave a weak apology.

Changed man?  Or abusive psycho?

You decide.

Because I already did.

When Is It Too Soon

There are three little words that you think everyone wants to hear when they are in a relationship with someone.
"I Love You"
But those words carry a lot of meaning, or at least, there supposed to.  I remember in high school I started dating this guy, and on the first day of our relationship he said "let's just start this early and get it over with, so I love you."  And I was like....."oh okay love you too."
That's not the way most people want to share those words.
Clearly saying it on the first date is not only stupid, but it's really creepy.
But when is the right time to say it?
When do you know you love someone?
Is it after a month?
Two months.
Three months.
A year.
A lifetime?
Sometime you think you have strong feelings for someone, but when can you tell if it's love?

Anyone with answers is urged to email me.

Tonic East

I have been someone of color my entire life, last night at Tonic East bar in NYC was the first time I had experienced racism.
I went to the bar last night to celebrate my sorority sister's 22nd birthday.  We were drinking before hand and I had a water bottle of vodka/water/lime juice in my purse.  I smoked a cigarette before getting on the line so I could scope out the bouncers and see if he was checking bag or anything.  He wasn't.  So I left the bottle in my bag so I could drink it inside the bar.
Then as soon as I woke up there he makes me open my bag.  He says there are no water bottles allowed.  So I immediately offer to throw it out.  Before I can even throw it out he grabs it out of my hand and smells it.  He says theres alcohol in it (which is true but you can't smell it because the lime juice is so acidic the smell is plain citrus) and that he can't let me in at all.  So I'm like even if there was alcohol in it I'm throwing it out so why would I not be allowed in at all.  The entire time my sorority sisters are outside with me arguing with the bouncer.  While this is happening he allows three girls after me (three white girls) with water bottles inside.  He either let them chug it or throw it out.  So now I'm getting really sad mixed in with my anger it was clear that he was a racist and the only reason it was different for me was because I'm not white.  I had to call the manager and explain everything to him. '
When I got in I couldn't even have fun anymore.  I was so sad.  I have never been treated like that in my life.  I'm never the person to call the race card.  I guess in my naive mind I thought all the prejudices in the past were so far back in history that there is no way that in NYC (one of the most diverse places in the world) I would experience a white man treating me like I was less than he was.  Every time I heard a person of color claim they weren't able to do something or get something because they were discriminated against I thought it was a cop out.  I thought they were making excuses.  I thought it's 2011, our president is black, and everyone has the same rights at this point of time.
But that's not true.  We don't all have the same rights.  I've joked around with racist jokes before because first of all I'm not white so I can do that, and second of all I never really meant it.  But there all people in the world that do mean what they are saying, and it is painful.
I feel like I'm prepared for everything when I go out.  I'm prepared for perverted guys and jealous bitches, but I was never prepared for racism.  And I shouldn't have to be.  But the reality of the situation is.....that I need to be.
And if racism wasn't enough, at Tonic the employees are rude.  Many of them push through paying customers without even so much as an "I'm sorry" or an "Excuse me."
The drinks were $10 for a small, thin cup.  I was better off keeping my bottle and staying the fuck home.
The bottom line is if you want expensive drinks, rude service and racism Tonic East is the place for you.

The Fun Doesn't Stop Here

Good news everyone!
I have decided to start another blog.
I love ranting on this blog about shit that really annoys me, but on my new blog I am going to talk about something that I enjoy....SEX!
The new blog is called SEXcapades, and it can be found on www.sexcapades.blogspot.com
Follow it
Love it
If you have any sexy stories you want to share to have posted on the site and I would be happy to rephrase it and make it sound better than it was so it won't embarrass me to have on my blog.
While I am starting a new chapter in my life, this chapter will not be neglected.  Because while I love sex, I hate a lot of other things.