So while you would think that ex-boyfriends are not good for anything, I have found a use for them, and no I am not referring to late night booty calls.
I am currently in a new relationship, and while I would like to believe that I am the perfect companion, I have to face the facts that I do fuck up in my relationships. And who is there better to tell you how, why, or what you did to fuck up than you ex boyfriend?
This might sound like a awkward project because it means actually conversing with someone I used to to have intimate feelings for, but not only will it not be awkward, but one of my ex-boyfriends actually gave me the idea.
So I would like to conduct this experiment with some form of organization and class....I would also like a million dollars but that shit isn't going to happen either. That being said, I'm going to attempt to give each guys explanation in the chronological order in which I dated him. But it's been a few years and I don't have the best memories (and some of them weren't really important) and some of them I can't talk to at all anyway so I'm going to make up what I would assume they would say.
So the list is as follows:
My 1st Love
Mr All Wrong For Me
Says All The Right Things
NUTCASE
Never Quite What it Seems
Probably Was Perfect For Me
Met Him At Work
My Current
If there's anymore boyfriends I forgot.....take that as a hint.
My 1st Love and I were together on and off for like a decade. (Well seven years) and I can't ask him why he thinks we broke up because he stopped talking to me. So I'm just going to say why we did, without any concern for his opinion.
He didn't love me the way he used to. I really believe he fell in love with someone else but he didn't have the balls to tell me. So rather than just be a man and dump me to my face he'd rather stop talking to me right around Thanksgiving, and then not talk to me during Christmas, and then miss my 21st birthday. That's why we're not together, that's why we're not friends, that's why we don't have any kind of relationship.
When me and my 1st love weren't together, me and Mr All Wrong For Me would start dating. We first started when I was 14 and he was 17. This guy was completely all about sex, and when we first met I was a virgin. When we started dating again when I was 16 we did become sexually active and he started cheating on me. (Which I obviously didn't know) He was also very unmotivated and had no aspirations for his future. He's doing great now but five or six years ago he wasn't the best guy for me.
I would ask him what he thought about the situation, but when I told him I had a boyfriend he blocked me from his life so I don't know what to do about that one. But I wish him the best and we always had fun when we weren't fighting.
Mr Says All The Right things lives up to his title. To this day he knows exactly what to say to me. I don't know why he thinks we broke up because when I asked him he said "seriously" and then ignored me, so I'm going to have to improvise this one as well.
We broke up because he was just a sweet talker. I don't think any of the feelings he says he had for me were real and if they were I couldn't tell because he said the same things to every girl. Even now everything he says is some sort of insurance policy to seal the deal into have sexual intercourse. I wish him all the luck in his future relationships, but that's something I have told him about and hope he took my advice.
With Never Quite It Seems he says the reason we didn't work is because at the time we were together he he was working and living in the Hamptons and we didn't get to see each other. That's kind of the cop out answer. Because when he came back from the Hamptons we never tried to get back together. The real reason we broke up is because he didn't want it. I gave him an ultimatum which forced him to either be in a relationship or stop having sex with me, so obviously we started dating. But his heart wasn't in it. So we weren't a match..We are great friends though. And the sex was amazing.
The guy who was Probably Perfect For Me I dated really quickly on the rebound, he was so sweet. He did everything he possibly could for me. And I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him when I met the next guy. I think it was because he told me he loved me very early on and I was afraid he actually meant it. But I can't ask him either because he wouldn't be friends with me after I broke up with him.
Met Him At Work is pretty simple. He says he thinks we were better off as friends with benefits, and we were. We went out, we had fun, we cuddled, but I was always able to talk to him as a friend. Even today he gives me relationship advice with my new boyfriend. (He was also the one who gave me this blog idea.)
The NUTCASE is the reason I had to change my phone number, and for legal/safety reasons I do not want to contact him for any reason. But the reason we broke up is because he's a nutcase. He threatened my life on numerous occasions. He can't control himself in any sense of the word and I couldn't take it anymore.
I did this whole thing for My Current boyfriend. We have only been officially together for a very short time and I don't want to mess up this relationship the way I've messed up my passed relationships. I didn't realize until after the experiment was done that I didn't get much feedback. So I'm going to be honest with myself and own up to my mistakes.
My number one mistake is that I have been unfaithful. And I don't know what it is about my personality. The sex in a relationship would be amazing, but somehow I would cheat anyway. My boyfriends knows this about me, and he also knows that I will not do that to him. I haven't dated someone full on since my freshman year in college, so I would say that I've matured.
I'm also impatient. I just got into a fight with my boyfriend over the weekend and I wanted answers right away. The reason we were fighting happened Saturday morning and by Saturday afternoon I desperately wanted answers and I didn't give him enough time to think.
I scare easily. If something isn't absolutely perfect in a relationship I automatically run away. I don't want to work through problems, I want there to be no problems. And that is very unrealistic.
If I'm not cheating I'm very flirtatious.
I'm very unattached. I purposely don't try to get to know people a lot because I think they're not going to last long in my life anyway. So I never get as close as I should to the guys I date.
I can't forgive people. Even if I somehow move past something he did wrong (which I rarely ever do) I never forgive him for it and it just eats away at me until the next argument occurs.
And I think the biggest relationship flaw I have is that I don't trust people. So any relationship I ever have is never based on the right foundation.
Fixing all these problems is probably impossible. But I am acknowledging them and hoping for the best with my new boyfriend 2.21.11 <3
No comments:
Post a Comment