Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
DAY 13
I know I'm like months late with the rest of this, but it appears that I am uselees at work right now so I'm going to take advantage of the 13 minutes I have left.
With God As My Witness
This world has become a breeding ground for ‘religilous’ idea.
Never mind the fact that there are so many beliefs and religions in this world you can’t even differentiate between the nonsensical from the down-right stupid.
It was one thing when we had basic Christianity and Judaism, but with Rastafarianism, Mormons, and Scientology it’s more apparent than ever that any religion is just a big joke. And furthermore, if there is a God, he’s probably really annoyed that people keep coming up with more ridiculous ways to worship Him. I know if I were God, (which I sometimes believe myself to be) I’d be pissed if people thought that by going to building (church, temple, whatever you want to call it) and reciting some bogus poetry (prayers) to some child molester (priest) would guarantee such a person of residing in my beautiful Heaven in their after-life……I’d be pissed!
So unlike the religions of the world, I’m not just going to tell you to believe in something with no explanation whatsoever, I have actual methods behind my madness.
Let us first pick apart the Bible.
In Catholicism, people are taught the Jesus was born from a virgin birth. However, that fact is nowhere in the Bible. You would think if one was compiling stories of important events in Jesus’ life, you wouldn’t want to leave out the fact that he was somehow conceived by a virgin. There are two simple explanations for the conception of Jesus.
1. The Virgin Mary was a whore who was throwing her pussy cat and any and everybody, so therefore when she turned up pregnant she decided to make up the whole virgin birth thing. Since the men she slept with were all married and weren’t going to set the record straight there was no one to contrast her story.
2. God raped The Virgin Mary and didn’t want to be known as a rapist so he made up the virgin birth story to keep his name clean. And The Virgin Mary was too embarrassed to dispute it (because you know how rape victims are.
While we’re still on the subject of the Bible, even if you could get passed the fact that Mary was a whore or God was a rapist, could you really believe in something that was based on so much racism, sexism, abuse and hypocrisy? The Bible endorses slavery and domestic violence. There is a line in the Bible that tells us it is okay to beat your wife with a stick as long as it is no thicker than your thumb. In Catholicism we are taught God loves everyone. I guess homosexuals don’t count, at least not according to the Bible.
And if there is a Jesus, I’m sorry for all you racist honkeys out there, BUT HE IS NOT WHITE! If we are going to follow the Bible, Jesus was from Egypt, which is in Africa. You can’t go to church, have a bible and have a picture of white Jesus in your living room, it’s sacrilegious.
Okay I’m getting a little tired of picking on Catholics, what about Muslims? If September 11 wasn’t a huge wake- up call on how dangerous this religion is, let me open your eyes. Muslims want us to believe that there are just a few radical thinkers in a bunch of relatively normal believers, which is not the case. When was the last time a Jew killed anyone for disagreeing about something in the Torah? Well I don’t really know, but there’s no way Jewish people can double as accountants AND murderers. Muslims have been killing there own kind for years for writing certain books or singing certain songs. Once they can kill one of their own, the lines of decency have been crossed and everyone is a target. (Don’t get me started on black on black crime.)
We don’t even have to talk about religion, we can just talk about people. Why do people say “thank God” every time something good happens. But when something bad happens no one ever says “blame God” the excuse is always “everything happens for a reason.” What the fuck kind of logic is that. So if my friend dies of cancer, it was for a reason unbeknownst to any of us, but if she survives rather than thank the doctor, I’m to “thank god?” Something about this situation isn’t sitting right with me.
And if there is a God, how lazy can he be? There’s war and shit going down here buddy, maybe you want to snap your fingers and make it all go away…thanks for all your support.
Then again, if I were God I would let the world go to shit every once in awhile so that I can be entertained.
Wouldn’t it suck if right after posting this God literally came down here, and slit my throat? He’s capable of that shit, read the Bible.
Amen
Never mind the fact that there are so many beliefs and religions in this world you can’t even differentiate between the nonsensical from the down-right stupid.
It was one thing when we had basic Christianity and Judaism, but with Rastafarianism, Mormons, and Scientology it’s more apparent than ever that any religion is just a big joke. And furthermore, if there is a God, he’s probably really annoyed that people keep coming up with more ridiculous ways to worship Him. I know if I were God, (which I sometimes believe myself to be) I’d be pissed if people thought that by going to building (church, temple, whatever you want to call it) and reciting some bogus poetry (prayers) to some child molester (priest) would guarantee such a person of residing in my beautiful Heaven in their after-life……I’d be pissed!
So unlike the religions of the world, I’m not just going to tell you to believe in something with no explanation whatsoever, I have actual methods behind my madness.
Let us first pick apart the Bible.
In Catholicism, people are taught the Jesus was born from a virgin birth. However, that fact is nowhere in the Bible. You would think if one was compiling stories of important events in Jesus’ life, you wouldn’t want to leave out the fact that he was somehow conceived by a virgin. There are two simple explanations for the conception of Jesus.
1. The Virgin Mary was a whore who was throwing her pussy cat and any and everybody, so therefore when she turned up pregnant she decided to make up the whole virgin birth thing. Since the men she slept with were all married and weren’t going to set the record straight there was no one to contrast her story.
2. God raped The Virgin Mary and didn’t want to be known as a rapist so he made up the virgin birth story to keep his name clean. And The Virgin Mary was too embarrassed to dispute it (because you know how rape victims are.
While we’re still on the subject of the Bible, even if you could get passed the fact that Mary was a whore or God was a rapist, could you really believe in something that was based on so much racism, sexism, abuse and hypocrisy? The Bible endorses slavery and domestic violence. There is a line in the Bible that tells us it is okay to beat your wife with a stick as long as it is no thicker than your thumb. In Catholicism we are taught God loves everyone. I guess homosexuals don’t count, at least not according to the Bible.
And if there is a Jesus, I’m sorry for all you racist honkeys out there, BUT HE IS NOT WHITE! If we are going to follow the Bible, Jesus was from Egypt, which is in Africa. You can’t go to church, have a bible and have a picture of white Jesus in your living room, it’s sacrilegious.
Okay I’m getting a little tired of picking on Catholics, what about Muslims? If September 11 wasn’t a huge wake- up call on how dangerous this religion is, let me open your eyes. Muslims want us to believe that there are just a few radical thinkers in a bunch of relatively normal believers, which is not the case. When was the last time a Jew killed anyone for disagreeing about something in the Torah? Well I don’t really know, but there’s no way Jewish people can double as accountants AND murderers. Muslims have been killing there own kind for years for writing certain books or singing certain songs. Once they can kill one of their own, the lines of decency have been crossed and everyone is a target. (Don’t get me started on black on black crime.)
We don’t even have to talk about religion, we can just talk about people. Why do people say “thank God” every time something good happens. But when something bad happens no one ever says “blame God” the excuse is always “everything happens for a reason.” What the fuck kind of logic is that. So if my friend dies of cancer, it was for a reason unbeknownst to any of us, but if she survives rather than thank the doctor, I’m to “thank god?” Something about this situation isn’t sitting right with me.
And if there is a God, how lazy can he be? There’s war and shit going down here buddy, maybe you want to snap your fingers and make it all go away…thanks for all your support.
Then again, if I were God I would let the world go to shit every once in awhile so that I can be entertained.
Wouldn’t it suck if right after posting this God literally came down here, and slit my throat? He’s capable of that shit, read the Bible.
Amen
Sunday, May 15, 2011
My Guide To Parenthood
It seems like millions of authors are getting rich quick from parenting books. Even if you don't have the money to spend on a five pound book you can google anything these days. So the question remains why are so many parents being arrested for negligence and abuse of their children? I think the reason is because most parenting books are written by 60 year old grandparents who haven't dealt with the problems of parenting in approximately 30 years.
Don't worry, I'm here to help, a 21 year old college senior who has never had kids, and never wants them. I am going to give you all the best parenting advice that ever lived.
LESSON ONE
Babies cry. There is no need to dote on them every single time the little bugger makes a peep. I'm not saying to neglect the child. But if you try feeding it and changing it and playing with it, maybe the little niglets just spoiled. And by you constantly giving it attention every single time it whimpers isn't making the situation any better.
LESSON TWO
Disciplining young children is most affective when hitting is involved. Lessons not learned in blood are soon forgotten. Just to reiterate, I am not suggesting abusing your child. However, if a two year old child is constantly running into your medicine cabinet, you can't reason and explain to it why it is so dangerous. The only thing that kid is going to understand is a slap on the hand or on the buttocks. Keep in mind that a punch in the head or stomach will be considered child abuse, you will be arrested and prosecuted to fullest extent of the law...and I do not take responsibility for that.
LESSON THREE
One of the reasons so many parents abuse their children is because they spend way too much time with them. Get your kids into activities. Think about it, if it's in school until 3pm, get some extracurricular activities going. Believe me, as little as you want your kids at home, that's as little as they want to be there. Put them in dance, or gymnastics, or football, or whatever would be gender friendly to your particular child.
LESSON FOUR
Now that we have pretty much taken care of the years from birth to adolescence, let's tackle the teen years. I've heard so much parenting advice relating to privacy. It is very important for your teen to believe that you respect their privacy. The word to pay attention to is think. I was a teenager not too long ago, and believe me too much privacy is a breeding ground for your teen to get into sex, drugs, and alcohol. However, if you make it obvious that you don't give them any privacy they are going to think you don't trust them, which will shut down all lines of communication, which is not good!
That being said, you don't trust your teen. Trusting your teen is the biggest mistake you could make. This is going to sound extremely cliche, but as long as it is living under your roof, it should follow your rules.
Therefore, one way to ensure you and your teen have an open and healthy relationship, read it's personal information. For example, if you're going through their room to clean (aka snoop) don't be afraid to check their facebook or twitter or diary. What they don't know won't hurt them and what you find out could save their lives!
The second part of this snooping that is where most parents fuck up is the don't say shit part. Once you have found out certain information, you can't use it because you can't let your teen know you snooped. You can use it as a guide to help you in the future, and to know exactly what they are capable of. But you can't punish them for something you only knew because you were creeping.
LESSON FIVE
Remember those lines of communication we were talking about earlier? While they are important, they are not always necessary. A lot of parents want to push their kids to talk to them all the time. Do you really have nothing better to do that you really want to talk to 15 year old all day? If your kid is giving you the silent treatment, thank your lucky fuckin stars you don't have to listen to it bitch about the most important thing that happened in 7th period today.
LESSON SIX
So you know how I said if your child is living under your roof it follows your rules? That doesn't really apply once the kid is 18 and working or going to school. Sure there are some rules you implement like there's no fucking and drinking or whatever, but curfews and shit isn't going to fly and you will just push you adult child away. If that is what you want, go for it, but for a healthy relationship you need to give your adult room to grow!!
Look I just condensed all those huge useless books into one internet blog! I think this will be helpful because I am still a kid a heart, and I think I know what kids need. So for all those cliche's saying parenthood is so hard because there is no instructions manual....EAT THIS
Don't worry, I'm here to help, a 21 year old college senior who has never had kids, and never wants them. I am going to give you all the best parenting advice that ever lived.
LESSON ONE
Babies cry. There is no need to dote on them every single time the little bugger makes a peep. I'm not saying to neglect the child. But if you try feeding it and changing it and playing with it, maybe the little niglets just spoiled. And by you constantly giving it attention every single time it whimpers isn't making the situation any better.
LESSON TWO
Disciplining young children is most affective when hitting is involved. Lessons not learned in blood are soon forgotten. Just to reiterate, I am not suggesting abusing your child. However, if a two year old child is constantly running into your medicine cabinet, you can't reason and explain to it why it is so dangerous. The only thing that kid is going to understand is a slap on the hand or on the buttocks. Keep in mind that a punch in the head or stomach will be considered child abuse, you will be arrested and prosecuted to fullest extent of the law...and I do not take responsibility for that.
LESSON THREE
One of the reasons so many parents abuse their children is because they spend way too much time with them. Get your kids into activities. Think about it, if it's in school until 3pm, get some extracurricular activities going. Believe me, as little as you want your kids at home, that's as little as they want to be there. Put them in dance, or gymnastics, or football, or whatever would be gender friendly to your particular child.
LESSON FOUR
Now that we have pretty much taken care of the years from birth to adolescence, let's tackle the teen years. I've heard so much parenting advice relating to privacy. It is very important for your teen to believe that you respect their privacy. The word to pay attention to is think. I was a teenager not too long ago, and believe me too much privacy is a breeding ground for your teen to get into sex, drugs, and alcohol. However, if you make it obvious that you don't give them any privacy they are going to think you don't trust them, which will shut down all lines of communication, which is not good!
That being said, you don't trust your teen. Trusting your teen is the biggest mistake you could make. This is going to sound extremely cliche, but as long as it is living under your roof, it should follow your rules.
Therefore, one way to ensure you and your teen have an open and healthy relationship, read it's personal information. For example, if you're going through their room to clean (aka snoop) don't be afraid to check their facebook or twitter or diary. What they don't know won't hurt them and what you find out could save their lives!
The second part of this snooping that is where most parents fuck up is the don't say shit part. Once you have found out certain information, you can't use it because you can't let your teen know you snooped. You can use it as a guide to help you in the future, and to know exactly what they are capable of. But you can't punish them for something you only knew because you were creeping.
LESSON FIVE
Remember those lines of communication we were talking about earlier? While they are important, they are not always necessary. A lot of parents want to push their kids to talk to them all the time. Do you really have nothing better to do that you really want to talk to 15 year old all day? If your kid is giving you the silent treatment, thank your lucky fuckin stars you don't have to listen to it bitch about the most important thing that happened in 7th period today.
LESSON SIX
So you know how I said if your child is living under your roof it follows your rules? That doesn't really apply once the kid is 18 and working or going to school. Sure there are some rules you implement like there's no fucking and drinking or whatever, but curfews and shit isn't going to fly and you will just push you adult child away. If that is what you want, go for it, but for a healthy relationship you need to give your adult room to grow!!
Look I just condensed all those huge useless books into one internet blog! I think this will be helpful because I am still a kid a heart, and I think I know what kids need. So for all those cliche's saying parenthood is so hard because there is no instructions manual....EAT THIS
Monday, April 11, 2011
I Don't Want To Miss A Thing
How do you know if you're moving too fast in a relationship?
When watching the movie 'How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days' we see how women can drive men away by getting too comfortable too quickly. However how do you know what is considered too fast for a guy? How do you know when a guy is moving fast on his own, or when he's moving fast because he thinks your moving fast and he's trying to catch up?
I basically spend as much time as possible with my boyfriend and we've only been together for a couple of months, so it is a general rule to make yourself less available so that a guy who is relatively new in your life won't get bored and lose interest. But he's the one that is making most of the invitations. He says he wants to spend like every day with me, and for the first time that doesn't freak me out. And so we do almost everything together. We have a lot of the same interests, and even if we don't we try new things to make each other happy. We've hung out with each others friends and met each others families, but theres more!!!
Also in the above mentioned movie, we see that men get uneasy when women try to control and be a part of every aspect of their lives. This is especially seen in the scene where the woman moves all her girlie items into her new boyfriends bachelor pad. She puts stuffed animals on his bed, pink decorations in the hallways, and tampons in his bathroom!!!!! I think we can all agree that that is going way too far.
But what if it's the guy that's slowly moving/or keeping some of your things at his place?
A few weeks ago I left a tank top at my boyfriends house and he washed it, and put it in an empty drawer. He also added a pair of his sweatpants and t shirts for me to wear when I'm sleeping over. Yesterday, he purchased a toothbrush and loofah for me to keep in his bathroom so I wouldn't have to bring my things back and forth. He also told me that he's moving next month and wants me to help with the decorating.
Over the past few nights he started saying the sweetest things. First he was bringing up future plans, not too far into the future but just things like over the summer, and next semester. And usually I would think that's weird because who plans on having someone else in their life for that long? But I find myself making plans with him. One night this weekend I swear he said he loved me as we were going to bed, but we were both really fucked up so I wasn't going to bring it up if he wasn't. And perhaps the sweetest thing he said, sober, was that he didn't want to go to sleep because because he knew that would mean he wouldn't see me until the morning when it was time to take me home and we wanted to spend the most amount of time with me as possible.
So I feel like we're moving in a great direction but we're moving in it too fast. But I also don't want to slow down....that is my dilemma.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
I MADE A MISTAKE
my new blog is sexisyourfriend.blogspot.com and the site is called SEXcapades <3 Have Fun <3
They're Good For Something
So while you would think that ex-boyfriends are not good for anything, I have found a use for them, and no I am not referring to late night booty calls.
I am currently in a new relationship, and while I would like to believe that I am the perfect companion, I have to face the facts that I do fuck up in my relationships. And who is there better to tell you how, why, or what you did to fuck up than you ex boyfriend?
This might sound like a awkward project because it means actually conversing with someone I used to to have intimate feelings for, but not only will it not be awkward, but one of my ex-boyfriends actually gave me the idea.
So I would like to conduct this experiment with some form of organization and class....I would also like a million dollars but that shit isn't going to happen either. That being said, I'm going to attempt to give each guys explanation in the chronological order in which I dated him. But it's been a few years and I don't have the best memories (and some of them weren't really important) and some of them I can't talk to at all anyway so I'm going to make up what I would assume they would say.
So the list is as follows:
My 1st Love
Mr All Wrong For Me
Says All The Right Things
NUTCASE
Never Quite What it Seems
Probably Was Perfect For Me
Met Him At Work
My Current
If there's anymore boyfriends I forgot.....take that as a hint.
My 1st Love and I were together on and off for like a decade. (Well seven years) and I can't ask him why he thinks we broke up because he stopped talking to me. So I'm just going to say why we did, without any concern for his opinion.
He didn't love me the way he used to. I really believe he fell in love with someone else but he didn't have the balls to tell me. So rather than just be a man and dump me to my face he'd rather stop talking to me right around Thanksgiving, and then not talk to me during Christmas, and then miss my 21st birthday. That's why we're not together, that's why we're not friends, that's why we don't have any kind of relationship.
When me and my 1st love weren't together, me and Mr All Wrong For Me would start dating. We first started when I was 14 and he was 17. This guy was completely all about sex, and when we first met I was a virgin. When we started dating again when I was 16 we did become sexually active and he started cheating on me. (Which I obviously didn't know) He was also very unmotivated and had no aspirations for his future. He's doing great now but five or six years ago he wasn't the best guy for me.
I would ask him what he thought about the situation, but when I told him I had a boyfriend he blocked me from his life so I don't know what to do about that one. But I wish him the best and we always had fun when we weren't fighting.
Mr Says All The Right things lives up to his title. To this day he knows exactly what to say to me. I don't know why he thinks we broke up because when I asked him he said "seriously" and then ignored me, so I'm going to have to improvise this one as well.
We broke up because he was just a sweet talker. I don't think any of the feelings he says he had for me were real and if they were I couldn't tell because he said the same things to every girl. Even now everything he says is some sort of insurance policy to seal the deal into have sexual intercourse. I wish him all the luck in his future relationships, but that's something I have told him about and hope he took my advice.
With Never Quite It Seems he says the reason we didn't work is because at the time we were together he he was working and living in the Hamptons and we didn't get to see each other. That's kind of the cop out answer. Because when he came back from the Hamptons we never tried to get back together. The real reason we broke up is because he didn't want it. I gave him an ultimatum which forced him to either be in a relationship or stop having sex with me, so obviously we started dating. But his heart wasn't in it. So we weren't a match..We are great friends though. And the sex was amazing.
The guy who was Probably Perfect For Me I dated really quickly on the rebound, he was so sweet. He did everything he possibly could for me. And I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him when I met the next guy. I think it was because he told me he loved me very early on and I was afraid he actually meant it. But I can't ask him either because he wouldn't be friends with me after I broke up with him.
Met Him At Work is pretty simple. He says he thinks we were better off as friends with benefits, and we were. We went out, we had fun, we cuddled, but I was always able to talk to him as a friend. Even today he gives me relationship advice with my new boyfriend. (He was also the one who gave me this blog idea.)
The NUTCASE is the reason I had to change my phone number, and for legal/safety reasons I do not want to contact him for any reason. But the reason we broke up is because he's a nutcase. He threatened my life on numerous occasions. He can't control himself in any sense of the word and I couldn't take it anymore.
I did this whole thing for My Current boyfriend. We have only been officially together for a very short time and I don't want to mess up this relationship the way I've messed up my passed relationships. I didn't realize until after the experiment was done that I didn't get much feedback. So I'm going to be honest with myself and own up to my mistakes.
My number one mistake is that I have been unfaithful. And I don't know what it is about my personality. The sex in a relationship would be amazing, but somehow I would cheat anyway. My boyfriends knows this about me, and he also knows that I will not do that to him. I haven't dated someone full on since my freshman year in college, so I would say that I've matured.
I'm also impatient. I just got into a fight with my boyfriend over the weekend and I wanted answers right away. The reason we were fighting happened Saturday morning and by Saturday afternoon I desperately wanted answers and I didn't give him enough time to think.
I scare easily. If something isn't absolutely perfect in a relationship I automatically run away. I don't want to work through problems, I want there to be no problems. And that is very unrealistic.
If I'm not cheating I'm very flirtatious.
I'm very unattached. I purposely don't try to get to know people a lot because I think they're not going to last long in my life anyway. So I never get as close as I should to the guys I date.
I can't forgive people. Even if I somehow move past something he did wrong (which I rarely ever do) I never forgive him for it and it just eats away at me until the next argument occurs.
And I think the biggest relationship flaw I have is that I don't trust people. So any relationship I ever have is never based on the right foundation.
Fixing all these problems is probably impossible. But I am acknowledging them and hoping for the best with my new boyfriend 2.21.11 <3
I am currently in a new relationship, and while I would like to believe that I am the perfect companion, I have to face the facts that I do fuck up in my relationships. And who is there better to tell you how, why, or what you did to fuck up than you ex boyfriend?
This might sound like a awkward project because it means actually conversing with someone I used to to have intimate feelings for, but not only will it not be awkward, but one of my ex-boyfriends actually gave me the idea.
So I would like to conduct this experiment with some form of organization and class....I would also like a million dollars but that shit isn't going to happen either. That being said, I'm going to attempt to give each guys explanation in the chronological order in which I dated him. But it's been a few years and I don't have the best memories (and some of them weren't really important) and some of them I can't talk to at all anyway so I'm going to make up what I would assume they would say.
So the list is as follows:
My 1st Love
Mr All Wrong For Me
Says All The Right Things
NUTCASE
Never Quite What it Seems
Probably Was Perfect For Me
Met Him At Work
My Current
If there's anymore boyfriends I forgot.....take that as a hint.
My 1st Love and I were together on and off for like a decade. (Well seven years) and I can't ask him why he thinks we broke up because he stopped talking to me. So I'm just going to say why we did, without any concern for his opinion.
He didn't love me the way he used to. I really believe he fell in love with someone else but he didn't have the balls to tell me. So rather than just be a man and dump me to my face he'd rather stop talking to me right around Thanksgiving, and then not talk to me during Christmas, and then miss my 21st birthday. That's why we're not together, that's why we're not friends, that's why we don't have any kind of relationship.
When me and my 1st love weren't together, me and Mr All Wrong For Me would start dating. We first started when I was 14 and he was 17. This guy was completely all about sex, and when we first met I was a virgin. When we started dating again when I was 16 we did become sexually active and he started cheating on me. (Which I obviously didn't know) He was also very unmotivated and had no aspirations for his future. He's doing great now but five or six years ago he wasn't the best guy for me.
I would ask him what he thought about the situation, but when I told him I had a boyfriend he blocked me from his life so I don't know what to do about that one. But I wish him the best and we always had fun when we weren't fighting.
Mr Says All The Right things lives up to his title. To this day he knows exactly what to say to me. I don't know why he thinks we broke up because when I asked him he said "seriously" and then ignored me, so I'm going to have to improvise this one as well.
We broke up because he was just a sweet talker. I don't think any of the feelings he says he had for me were real and if they were I couldn't tell because he said the same things to every girl. Even now everything he says is some sort of insurance policy to seal the deal into have sexual intercourse. I wish him all the luck in his future relationships, but that's something I have told him about and hope he took my advice.
With Never Quite It Seems he says the reason we didn't work is because at the time we were together he he was working and living in the Hamptons and we didn't get to see each other. That's kind of the cop out answer. Because when he came back from the Hamptons we never tried to get back together. The real reason we broke up is because he didn't want it. I gave him an ultimatum which forced him to either be in a relationship or stop having sex with me, so obviously we started dating. But his heart wasn't in it. So we weren't a match..We are great friends though. And the sex was amazing.
The guy who was Probably Perfect For Me I dated really quickly on the rebound, he was so sweet. He did everything he possibly could for me. And I honestly don't know what I was thinking when I broke up with him when I met the next guy. I think it was because he told me he loved me very early on and I was afraid he actually meant it. But I can't ask him either because he wouldn't be friends with me after I broke up with him.
Met Him At Work is pretty simple. He says he thinks we were better off as friends with benefits, and we were. We went out, we had fun, we cuddled, but I was always able to talk to him as a friend. Even today he gives me relationship advice with my new boyfriend. (He was also the one who gave me this blog idea.)
The NUTCASE is the reason I had to change my phone number, and for legal/safety reasons I do not want to contact him for any reason. But the reason we broke up is because he's a nutcase. He threatened my life on numerous occasions. He can't control himself in any sense of the word and I couldn't take it anymore.
I did this whole thing for My Current boyfriend. We have only been officially together for a very short time and I don't want to mess up this relationship the way I've messed up my passed relationships. I didn't realize until after the experiment was done that I didn't get much feedback. So I'm going to be honest with myself and own up to my mistakes.
My number one mistake is that I have been unfaithful. And I don't know what it is about my personality. The sex in a relationship would be amazing, but somehow I would cheat anyway. My boyfriends knows this about me, and he also knows that I will not do that to him. I haven't dated someone full on since my freshman year in college, so I would say that I've matured.
I'm also impatient. I just got into a fight with my boyfriend over the weekend and I wanted answers right away. The reason we were fighting happened Saturday morning and by Saturday afternoon I desperately wanted answers and I didn't give him enough time to think.
I scare easily. If something isn't absolutely perfect in a relationship I automatically run away. I don't want to work through problems, I want there to be no problems. And that is very unrealistic.
If I'm not cheating I'm very flirtatious.
I'm very unattached. I purposely don't try to get to know people a lot because I think they're not going to last long in my life anyway. So I never get as close as I should to the guys I date.
I can't forgive people. Even if I somehow move past something he did wrong (which I rarely ever do) I never forgive him for it and it just eats away at me until the next argument occurs.
And I think the biggest relationship flaw I have is that I don't trust people. So any relationship I ever have is never based on the right foundation.
Fixing all these problems is probably impossible. But I am acknowledging them and hoping for the best with my new boyfriend 2.21.11 <3
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