With God As My Witness

This world has become a breeding ground for ‘religilous’ idea.


Never mind the fact that there are so many beliefs and religions in this world you can’t even differentiate between the nonsensical from the down-right stupid.

It was one thing when we had basic Christianity and Judaism, but with Rastafarianism, Mormons, and Scientology it’s more apparent than ever that any religion is just a big joke. And furthermore, if there is a God, he’s probably really annoyed that people keep coming up with more ridiculous ways to worship Him. I know if I were God, (which I sometimes believe myself to be) I’d be pissed if people thought that by going to building (church, temple, whatever you want to call it) and reciting some bogus poetry (prayers) to some child molester (priest) would guarantee such a person of residing in my beautiful Heaven in their after-life……I’d be pissed!

So unlike the religions of the world, I’m not just going to tell you to believe in something with no explanation whatsoever, I have actual methods behind my madness.
Let us first pick apart the Bible.

In Catholicism, people are taught the Jesus was born from a virgin birth. However, that fact is nowhere in the Bible. You would think if one was compiling stories of important events in Jesus’ life, you wouldn’t want to leave out the fact that he was somehow conceived by a virgin. There are two simple explanations for the conception of Jesus.

1. The Virgin Mary was a whore who was throwing her pussy cat and any and everybody, so therefore when she turned up pregnant she decided to make up the whole virgin birth thing. Since the men she slept with were all married and weren’t going to set the record straight there was no one to contrast her story.

2. God raped The Virgin Mary and didn’t want to be known as a rapist so he made up the virgin birth story to keep his name clean. And The Virgin Mary was too embarrassed to dispute it (because you know how rape victims are.
While we’re still on the subject of the Bible, even if you could get passed the fact that Mary was a whore or God was a rapist, could you really believe in something that was based on so much racism, sexism, abuse and hypocrisy? The Bible endorses slavery and domestic violence. There is a line in the Bible that tells us it is okay to beat your wife with a stick as long as it is no thicker than your thumb. In Catholicism we are taught God loves everyone. I guess homosexuals don’t count, at least not according to the Bible.
And if there is a Jesus, I’m sorry for all you racist honkeys out there, BUT HE IS NOT WHITE! If we are going to follow the Bible, Jesus was from Egypt, which is in Africa. You can’t go to church, have a bible and have a picture of white Jesus in your living room, it’s sacrilegious.
Okay I’m getting a little tired of picking on Catholics, what about Muslims? If September 11 wasn’t a huge wake- up call on how dangerous this religion is, let me open your eyes. Muslims want us to believe that there are just a few radical thinkers in a bunch of relatively normal believers, which is not the case. When was the last time a Jew killed anyone for disagreeing about something in the Torah? Well I don’t really know, but there’s no way Jewish people can double as accountants AND murderers. Muslims have been killing there own kind for years for writing certain books or singing certain songs. Once they can kill one of their own, the lines of decency have been crossed and everyone is a target. (Don’t get me started on black on black crime.)

We don’t even have to talk about religion, we can just talk about people. Why do people say “thank God” every time something good happens. But when something bad happens no one ever says “blame God” the excuse is always “everything happens for a reason.” What the fuck kind of logic is that. So if my friend dies of cancer, it was for a reason unbeknownst to any of us, but if she survives rather than thank the doctor, I’m to “thank god?” Something about this situation isn’t sitting right with me.

And if there is a God, how lazy can he be? There’s war and shit going down here buddy, maybe you want to snap your fingers and make it all go away…thanks for all your support.

Then again, if I were God I would let the world go to shit every once in awhile so that I can be entertained.

Wouldn’t it suck if right after posting this God literally came down here, and slit my throat? He’s capable of that shit, read the Bible.



Amen